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a ghost

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(7 hedonists | indulge)

[05 May 2002|09:54am]
im sorry ok? im an ass hole. i went and nuked most of my friends list.

i decided i was just going to keep especially close friends up...and a lot of people on my list now have more then one journal...

not to say that if you are no longer on my list, that your not considered a good friend...just...i dont know, hate me, whatever im an ass i deserve it...im just frustrated and just wanting the company of a few close friends

(10 hedonists | indulge)

headlines [02 Apr 2002|12:52pm]
intensify camden mideast crisis
roll tanks, light new typical children...resort today, a walk, tv...
yankee reviews cholesterol MGM...line up.
Terrorism girl Terrorism girl fears checking.
cover guard mock-up ready in victims. burqa.
protests sale mulls, why?
synagogue flat screen
honesty
college bandits, cruel justices
home.

(2 hedonists | indulge)

[10 Jan 2002|12:23pm]
i know its been uttered many times before by a countless amount of minds and lips and eyes...but...

i want to be held for a little while, just until everything stops spinning and settles back into its place, so that everything inside of me doesn't spill out, and pollute the atmosphere, i never meant to poison any one...
until i stop feeling so fragile and out of touch

i feel dizzy

(23 hedonists | indulge)

[28 Dec 2001|08:27pm]
four days *grins*

(6 hedonists | indulge)

[25 Dec 2001|12:21am]
just to calrify...

I WAS NOT BORN IN NEW JERSEY!

i have come to find out that certain people have been spreading misleading rumors about my place of birth...

(1 hedonist | indulge)

Awww....i wanted to explode [22 Dec 2001|02:25pm]
[ mood | amused ]



I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom Doom! Doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom! Doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom! The end! Oh wha's that?

Take the Invader Zim quiz!

(4 hedonists | indulge)

[21 Dec 2001|04:32pm]
i just watched an a-team episode in which boy george, yes, boy george, guest starred on....

yeah...i know...it hurts my brain too. *smile, giggle* god i love the 80s.

(3 hedonists | indulge)

*drools* [13 Dec 2001|10:32am]
[ mood | bored ]

so here i am. Just staring at this blank LJ box, thinking how lonely it looks, and that it needs some words to keep it company, only, i cannot, for the life of me, think of anything worthwhile to say.

i warn those faint of heart, if you do not wish to witness the brutal slaying of a perfectly good space where something expressive and interesting could have been placed, read no further.

and your still reading.
god, you must be as bored as i am.

yes so angel girl just lost some more of those feathers. my wings are beginning to look pretty damn shabby.
*sigh* maybe i can turn their remains in for something cool...like a disc player or something..

nineteen more days until florida, soon i wont have to worry about any more of this rutgers crap. for ten days i can just forget new jersey exists, cept for that occasional "yeah, im still alive, and not drunk, wasted, or knocked up (at least not this second)" call home.

mmm....mountain dew died for my sins.
its calling my name from the fridge. i swear.

thus ends the pointless slaying of brain cells...for now...

(indulge)

[11 Dec 2001|07:52pm]
i really would like to find my check.

[11 Dec 2001|01:28pm]
[ mood | fuck off ]

i give the fuck up
rutgers wins

good, forget your key, get yourself locked out, right before the expos exam your going to FAIL anyway...pay the bastards five bucks to get in...

its not like i didnt lose my fifty dollar check for freezing my ass off all night anyway...

FUCK.
i quit, i quit, i quit....

(7 hedonists | indulge)

[09 Dec 2001|05:52pm]
[ mood | detatched ]

i get in at 630 am this morning, from a night of working guest list at Kurfew, outside, in the rainy coldness of the night. i couldn't feel my fingers and toes for most of the evening, and i think had hypothermia at some point, so that nicely accented my plague, emboli, anthrax and lead poisoning, they went well together.

i walk with jay back to demarest, and all i want to do is find some derelict couch in the tv room, and chill until the busses come at 8 to take me back to douglass.
jay lost his slash card
we couldn't get in
at 630 in the morning, i no longer care to express emotion towards frustrating situations, so i say g'bye to jay, leave him to bang on windows and wake some unhappy resident up to let him in, a situation i'd rather not have blame for, and i wander to the student center, slash my debit card at the bank door and huddle under the desk in there, because its semi-warm and dry, and the only option to sitting at the bus station and furthering my state of hypothermia. an hour and fifteen minutes to kill until the EE comes to drag my poor disheveled, damp, cold, sparkly self back to my dorm room. About seven or so, this kid pulls up, and tries to get in to use the atm, i open the door, crawl back to my space, and commence to tiredly shivering...he turns around, and asks me if im ok, i explain that im waiting for the bus, he then asks if id like to go to dunkin donuts. ive got an hour to kill, and im hungry....the offer sounded much better then sitting there wasting away for the next hour alone.

i hop in the car with him and his friend, we drive to dunkin donuts, i get a bagel, i make two new friends. they then drive me back to my dorm, just because they had nothing better to do. rock.

the best things happen spontaneously. i mean, who the fuck decides to ask the disheveled girl, with sparkles all over her face, shivering on the floor under a desk alone to go to dunkin donuts with them?

as many times as people piss me off by showing astounding signs of stupidity and other behavior i find particularly disgusting *sigh* not that i have room to talk, the moment of spontaneity almost (almost) rectifies most of my feelings of despise against the "normal" population, but then, those involved in my spontaneity are rarely normal.

and as much as i love those moments, it think they just further my feeling of detachment from the world, from whatever system i am supposed to be a part of...maybe that why i love them so much....love destruction...

i think this is the longest post ive ever made... im gonna go wander in odd spirally directions, and try to avoid walls...*frown* agh!

(3 hedonists | indulge)

[09 Dec 2001|05:28pm]
[ mood | unstable ]

im out of the loop...
i dont know how it happened, or how long ive been out of the loop
but...
im just drifting now
and watching everyone else swim in perfect circles, around their lives, holding every aspect of themselves neatly inside the lines....
while my life, my energies, my thoughts have been left as flotsam when i abandoned the dance....to float, and drift aimlessly into waters ive never touched, and can't trust...with no direction...
i dont think ill be standing on anything solid for a long time...

(indulge)

[07 Dec 2001|11:18am]
[ mood | morose ]

im so indecisive. *sigh* go to class, not go to class....i want sleep.

i always want sleep....
im always tired.

i wish i knew why i feel like im falling apart.

(3 hedonists | indulge)

[05 Dec 2001|03:50am]
[ mood | worried ]

*shakes head* its gonna go down soon...
in a ball of flames

* * *

somethings coming...
can you feel it?

(1 hedonist | indulge)

mmm, he's so tasty [05 Dec 2001|03:46am]
[ mood | determined ]

just so everyone knows, im calling tom (he's not here) in fl tomorrow at one pm today.

(2 hedonists | indulge)

(biting offa anna) [04 Dec 2001|01:59am]
i never post these things, but what the hell...

If I was a work of art, I would be Sandro Botticelli's Birth of Venus.

I am a beautiful and alluring composition, not afraid to show off a good deal of bare flesh. People surround me and gaze at me with the adulation due a goddess and friendly breezes gently push me along my path in life.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

(1 hedonist | indulge)

feeble attempt at creativity [03 Dec 2001|02:31pm]
she stood outside the club, hugging her black hoodie around her torso, as if it as actually cold out. December and 72. its the thought that counts.
she edged a little closer to the lamp post that looked like it was from the fifties in design, bits of graffiti strewn across its surface. here eyes drifted to the ground, and she tuned out the useless chatter coming from her right, noticing just how many cigarettes littered the pavement, grates, and roadway. So many nicotine addictions, flicked down onto the ground, not given a second thought...she imagined each pair of lips that held the paper, each cupped hand trying to get it lit, each breath of relief once nicotine could be felt in the veins. Whos lives were these? So many people, all over the pavement, and cracks in the sidewalk. melting into the soul of the city, forgotten by many, cherished by others. Some were already lost, and there were those who were on their way.

This city captures you, drags you in, and adds you to the collection, of growing, lost souls, an eventual homogenous mixture where everyone will have forgotten where they came from, and that they at one point had goals. forcing its stresses down onto your shoulders, wrapping promises of success and love...you'll never be lonely again, especially not in lights that bright (makes the shadows even darker)
until your standing at a newspaper stand, "give me a pack of camels" placing the stick between dry lips, striking a match that doesn't want to light, eventually sucking what you can directly into your veins, let it cleanse your heart of problems, drop them smoldering on the pavement for the world to kick around.

she looked up, they were calling her name, he began to walk to the door...
"You're gonna start soon, we might put you at the door....
she let it engulf her like a tidal wave, and didn't think twice about losing herself in the sea of dancers and lovers...fuck...she'd get paid for it. She followed him into the building, crushing the remains of some ones discarded cigarette under her foot.

(4 hedonists | indulge)

[03 Dec 2001|01:30pm]
[ mood | lost ]

just so every one knows. i am the black plague.
i also have ebola and anthrax.
it might be best to stay away.

*sigh*

i quit.

(2 hedonists | indulge)

[01 Dec 2001|12:59am]
[ mood | sad ]

*frown* people like that arn't supposed to die.

i thought they were immortal...

(1 hedonist | indulge)

[29 Nov 2001|03:38pm]
i need you here now

if only to watch me shake, and sob, and make a complete, bloody spectacle of myself...

trying to peal my skin away because it feels so tight, so confining at this moment, and i cant shake this overbearing feeling of suffocation...inside my very own skin...

want to make order around me, counter the chaos in here, but i cant even to manage that, it all spills out into my physical world and surroundings, manifested in my utter lack of organization and ability to plan ahead...

spinning in circles, trying to decide which way to go, getting myself dizzy, and more often then not, falling into the wrong direction.

yes, i hear you telling me, teen angst...oh so typical....yeah...so? its what im going through, stereotypical or not...so fuck off...

i feel this aura of hot, humid smog encompassing my being, i hope no one else can sense it. im trying filter, filter filter....
and they'll be a fresh, clean air with no visibility hindrances...

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